


Who You Are

by Unscriptedtimetraveler



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Marauders' Era, Multi, Other, remus lupin - Freeform, remus lupin angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-30 02:45:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17215529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unscriptedtimetraveler/pseuds/Unscriptedtimetraveler
Summary: Remus feels that his condition will cause him to harm the reader he loves, so he avoids them until they confront him.(copied and pasted from my Tumblr @ unscriptedtimetraveler





	Who You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: angsty angsty ish and a ton of emotional crying but theres some fluff in the end

Remus sunk deeper into his chair inside his hidden nook of the library, escaping the bitter kiss of winter air. With a book resting on his lap and his satchel cast aside, he tried his best to focus his eyes on the words that were in front of him. His mind continuously mulled over the words over and over again lost in a trance, and he tried to refocus on the printed text. He had been studying for upcoming exams earlier in the week, however, he found himself in the library alone for a different reason. He simply stationed himself in the back of the library in the same spot that he discovered during his third year in order to escape, to escape the weather, the surroundings, and more importantly, to escape you.

This wasn’t his first choice, but he knew deep down he had to avoid you. With his condition, soon enough you’d fall victim to his painful slashes and bruises that he inflicted upon himself in the moonlight, and he couldn’t do that to you. You meant so much to him that even the thought of putting you in any form of danger struck fear within his chest. If the two of you remained in a relationship, the fate would be inevitable, and he couldn't be the hand that rips your life to shreds in the cast off darkness. One way or another, he would end up hurting you, or even worse, murdering you, and the thought of your lifeless body going limp as the blood drained from your face in his arms was far too much to bear.

A tear found its way down his face past a scar he received during his last transformation. The pain stung at him, serving as a constant reminder on his conscious that this was for the best. This is what he had to do to protect you from danger, to protect you from himself. He shut his book, thoughts far from reading it anyways, and let more tears cascade. They ran down his cheeks and past his broken features as he held the book closer to his aching chest like a shield. The world was already becoming colder and more solitary without you, and on top of that, everything was his fault, and he would carry the guilt of causing someone he loved to waste tears with him.

Footsteps grew louder and louder matching the pounding of his anxious heart and he he quickly tried to calm his sobs. Thinking it was just another student, he reopened the book he had in order to attempt to look like he was studying, but when the figure stopped in front of him, he felt different.

“Remus?”

He froze, looking up at you for the first time in days and simply taking in the dark and swollen circles under your eyes and the way the tears seemed to stin angry tracks down your cheeks as they slowly fell down.He remained silent, stuck looking for lost words.

You sniffled, trying to contain the pain and anger that you felt inside from the previous fight you an Remus had. You were outside the Gryffindor dormitories, letting each of your emotions take control of your bodies and letting them fuel your fires. Without any warning, Remus, he confronted you that night, wanting to break it off between the two of you after about a year. You remembered your world shattering around you, as if you were watching everything you cared for slip away and through the cracks of you breaking heart. You tried to question and to ask why he would do such a thing, why the two of you couldn't work things out but he just apologized, tone laced with little agony, and he disappeared inside the common room, leaving you in the dark.

You stared back at him, as if waiting for some long awaited apology and explanation, but he only sat there trying to shuffle his materials back into his bag in silence. You watched him intently, but he only got up and walked away with his head and shoulder looking more worn out than you had previously seen. With the anger boiling up in your chest again, you went after him, having to apologize to a group of first years for running into them by accident while trying to match his pace. When you both exited the library, you didn’t hold back your voice anymore.

“Remus Lupin what the hell!?” you screamed, scaring yourself slightly, but you had every reason to yell, as you at least wanted an explanation to why he decided to act like this.

He stopped in his tracks in the middle of the empty hallway before simply replying, “Please y/n, go.”

More tears began to fall down each of your faces, but Remus tried to turn away to hide his.

“No, I want to know,” you walked closer to him, “why, why Remus? Was I not good enough for you, was I not a good enough person for you? If that’s the truth then just spit it out and tell me and stop making me gu-”

“It’s not. Okay?” He spoke sternly now, but you could still hear the cracking essence of hurt lingering like a ghost, “It wasn’t you.”

“Then what was it, because there’s clearly something I’m missing here,” your voice began to lower to just above a broken whisper as you both waited out the pause. Your heart was beating out of your chest and racing with a storm of emotions in your chest. Your eyes were heavy from the lack of sleep and constant crying, and you felt as if you could collapse to the floor at any moment.

Remus took a long deep breath, letting a few more tears fall, “It’s me y/n, and I don’t know how to make you understand that,” he choked out, trying his hardest not to let his emotions consumes him yet again. He looked down to the ground, as if he were ashamed and waiting for some sort of punishment.

You allowed yourself to take a few more steps further, letting your anger wash away and be replaced with confusion and sadness yet again. What could he have done? He was the most caring boy you had ever come to know, well, at least before the argument.

“Rem,” you spoke softly, “You didn’t do anything wrong while we were together, I don’t understand what this is about.

“That’s exactly what I mean y/n!” his hands shot up with his tone in frustration, “I can’t ever make you understand what's so bad about me because even if I did tell you, you still wouldn’t understand it.”

“And why wouldn’t I Remus? Tell me why, tell me one reason as to why I, the person you claimed to love for months, would give a damn to understand?”

“Because I’m different y/n! There are things wrong with me. I am a living and breathing monster that can hurt you with one little accident, or even worse kill you. You don’t know what it’s like to be a constant danger to people you care about, to always have the constant fear that you could be responsible for harming or killing someone you love!”

By now he was in a full flood of tears, sobs racking over his body as his eyes stung like they were being inserted with daggers. His form visibly began to shake as he gave up and allowed himself to slowly fall to the floor of the abandoned hallway. You fell to the floor with him, simply grabbing his hand in yours, and you took note of how many scars littered his skin to the edge of his sweater sleeve. At this action though, he tried to take his hand back away from you with fear in his eyes.

“N-no y/n please,” he pleaded, hoping you would get up and stay away from him, but you didn’t budge.

You remained next to him before quietly speaking, “Remus, please tell me what’s going on. Don’t you trust me enough?”

Remus looked into your eyes, seeing nothing but a wave of inconsolable pain. He never wanted to have it seem that he couldn’t trust you, and guilt flushed over his face as he realized  
how this selfish act of his disappearance might have affected you. He left with hardly any explanation after he swore to you he’d never put you through that sort of pain, and he hid himself from you; his heart accelerated and all he wanted was to apologize for how much of an ass he was to you, to at least offer some apology for hurting you emotionally.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry for everything I-” he quietly murmured, looking down, but you cut him off.

“Remus, please just tell me what’s wrong. If you don’t want to be with me, that’s okay, but I feel like there’s something bigger than that...” you trailed off trying to fight back tears as the man who you thought you knew and of course still loved sat broken in front of you, lost in his own realm of darkness, and you couldn’t do anything, “Please tell me.”

\---  
About and hour or so had passed since the incident in the hallway, and Remus had poured his heart and pain out to you. You had both gone up to his room, wanting some privacy to talk, and currently you were staring at him with slight confusion and revelation in your eyes.

“Rem, you could have told me this,” you sighed, more tears falling from each of your eyes as you sat on his bed, “I wouldn’t have thought of you as any different, and I could have helped.”

“Y/n, you’d be stuck with a monster, a freak, a danger t-”

“You’re absolutely none of those things. You are Remus, a kind and caring boy who may be quiet at times but is also very brave and protective of those he loves, a boy who is special and unique...you’re Remus, not a monster. I love you for who you are, and so do James and Sirius and Peter...” you looked into his eyes, wide orbs staring back at you, “You are not a monster to me.”

“But I could hurt you o-or kill y-you and I can’t ever h-hurt you Y/n,” the hysterics erupted again from the boy, causing you to hug him gently, letting him know that you were there and he was safe. He gave into your warmth and wrapped his arms around you tight, letting his tears soak into your shirt. You let him cry for a bit before bringing him back u to face you with your hands wiping his tears, his on your waist.

“You never will, I know you won’t Remus,” you gave a small smile, “Your condition does not define you, it is a part of you, but it is not all of you. You are not a monster, okay, never ever think of yourself as one.”

He didn't say any words, but he didn't need to. He pulled you into him, his soft lips melting into your own, trapping you not in a rough or frenzied kiss, but a gentle passionate one. You kissed him back, one of your hands massaging through his brown locks as you knew that calmed him down, taking him in. He needed you in his life and you needed him, and you knew it would take little more time to help him get away from the dark cloud of doubt, but you had each other, and with you he would never be alone. You felt a hot tear escape from his eyes onto your skin, and you kissed him more, letting him know that he was loved for who he was. He was loved for being the boy from gryffindor, one of the four marauders, and most of all, for being one hundred percent of himself.


End file.
